#12 The truth about relationships

My intention was never to be here when I set off. As much as people have said, "well you've hinted". Or, well, "I knew you were going to do that because of the way your eyes twitched a little too much when you said the words". Or, "this was all planned and calculated simply because you are still moving forward and have not collapsed". (I have). I didn't draw it out to be like this and then follow a map to the end. I had no idea that it would be this.  I plead the 5th.

"This simply isn't good enough! Who are you to trade your life like Pokemon cards? How is that fair or just or considerate of the human race's rules? There must be some underlying factor, some traumatic event that happened to start all this.  It just doesn't add up."

To that I say, maybe we are just using the wrong science. Instead of maths, maybe we should take a look at chemistry.

Have you ever filled up a bowl with water and put 2 drops of ink inside and watched what happens?



You can do nothing to stop the blue from permeating the water.

The water will never be clear again.

A few months ago, one of my best friends announced that he was separating from his wife. They had been married less than 2 years.

I promptly wanted nothing to do with him or his wife. I told him there was no excuse for that. He should have done more work. He should have read more books.  He's smart, well-educated, connected. How could he not know what he was getting himself into? Didn't he know that marriage was a virtue?

Oh, and what about the children?


In the end, they sorted things out. He made peace with the changed water. He liked how his kids smiled at him.  He liked how his fishbowl looked in a certain kind of light. The colours came together and they look pretty together.

My fishbowl isn't pretty.  That's not just being vain and it not being good enough or what I expected.  As if I was some child who was disappointed in a Christmas present. No matter how many conversations, counselling, really listening (as opposed to fake listening), trying harder, being patient, being better somehow... something that we're not, is going to change that.  The water changed and neither one of us liked what it became.

No one would ask you to wear a sweater you hated every single day for the rest your life because you took it home from the store.  You wouldn't tell someone to undo the thread and make a vest with it, just because that thread was once really beautiful.  Holes in it from here or there are fine to patch up. A zipper, some buttons and clasps.  But not the whole thing.

I've been debating about posting this because at the end of the day it really is no one's business.  But part of this project is being truthful and being open and honest.

I looked up virtues.  There are 130.  Marriage is not one.


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