#21 You are more than enough

I had a great conversation with one of my friends about kids.

I may have alluded to this. Maybe I've saved all my allusions in drafts that you haven't seen. But today I'm brave, so I'll just tell you. I can't have them. I have some problems.

I had told a friend that I can't have kids. I have (kinda) made peace with this, and he had told me he was heartbroken for me. Then he continued on the path, adding that I could have IVF or adopt if I wanted to. I didn't want to go into it right then, and I don't now. I know he means well. The truth is, I don't want to put myself through a kind of reverse chemotherapy. That's just some emotion, not the point of this post.

My friend is 31 and she's been debating about them. I confessed to her that at one point the thought of having a child was my reason for being.  When the choice was taken away from me, it was a sort of freedom (after painstaking loss). I mean, now, it's a sort of freedom, sometimes.

Sometimes I still have the urge to pick up someone's child when I see that they don't have a hat on or they are being neglected. I think it's the smell of baby powder.

Back to my friend, she realized that she doesn't really want them either, but she feels like she should have them because she "would be" a good mom and she may feel some sense of completeness having a child inside her and caring for it. We as women, have these urges, you know. We're so different from men, even as we're created. We're created with every egg we will ever have in our lives, and we have periods which we have to care for every month! No wonder it's on our minds! But men, they get to be the sperm master. They don't search for completeness. They search for connection.

We are two different sexes, and it's more than we have different gentiles. We have different values ingrained in them and it's difficult to understand.

My friend told me: Just being you, it's more than enough. That's my new mantra.