How am I feeling these days? Like I am sabotaging myself. Like I have a million little bees floating around my head reminding me off all the projects Im not doing - the time I don't have - the things I'm not moving forward for. All the things I want to do - I feel like I need to do them ether - feel Like I'm letting people down.
Every time I go to for dinner I feel hatred to myself for not eating soup. I feel guilty because my European roots seem to be slowly drenched with North American privilege. "Because I deserve" high quality scotch. Because I deserve sleeping in and not completing my tasks.
and I am sabotaging myself. Why can't I be the type of person who can just do things right away? I always leave things to the last minute. I always leave things to the end, when a ill ion little things come up. I always wait - procrastinate. That is not virtuous, not an accurate measurement of success - am I just going to be the per on with a million spinning plates in the air until they drop?
My ex emailed me and threw me for a loop. Why can I still feel him? Is he not attached to his new family anymore? I can't feel it. That child didn't even look like his. I bet it wasn't. I bet she wanted a name for it.
And the paranoia is setting in my old age. Be careful with me, I might just go on a Tinder binge. It's as easy as ordering pizza.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.