Venice

I never ever thought that I would go to Venice, Italy. For me, it was such a far removed dream from reality, it didn't make the list.

The first thought is that I want you to know, and myself to remember, that anything is possible. Everything is possible. I'm not a rich person. I don't have a trust fund. In fact, I have a lot of debt from my previous relationship. I don't have a car or a house. What I have is a desire to see the world as it is, to do things and to be conscious of people. To be interested in other people and what they want. This goal has allowed me to be more conscious of my compassion, my courage and bring qualities of mine into the forefront. I just want to be joyful. This Venice trip happened because I met a student of mine who wanted me to bring her daughter out of her shell a little and get her comfortable speaking English. They took me to Venice and showed me around and we exchanged life experiences. You can find people like this in your life. You're not alone.

The second thought is that, I have been intentionally cutting things from my list of things to do because I thought they wouldn't happen. Because they wouldn't be possible. Too far away, too expensive, too radical. I remember carefully crafting things for this project, things that I know could be possible. Things that I would have the money to do. But my self conscious had a different plan. It's using a different list. It's by being a little crazy that I have been able to do this.

I feel like some of the decisions that I have been making over the last year aren't coming from me. At times I've felt a little sober, as in, waking up from a hazy night with sunlight streaming in thinking, how did I get to Italy? How am I in Venice? How, how, how...

This How has stopped me from many things in my life. How to pay for school? How to get a dog? How to afford this or that (mostly money). How do I deal with my romantic relationship? How do I cut out dramatic relationships from my life? It's the head thinking. While thinking with your head of course has advantages (like making sure you're not pick pocketed, or planning a budget when you want to buy a house...) sometimes it's full of fear and stops you in your tracks. It starts thinking about the what if's and the how's. Not in a way that's constructive, but in a debilitating way.

The How comes in ways that you cannot see yourself. The How comes from relationships with other people. The kindness of strangers. The How comes from a friend posting a list of places to get free education a few days after you decide that you want to further your education (but how? You have no money.)

I've gotten to know the little person in my heart a lot better. This person is terrifying. It doesn't know the How. It has the potential to get in a whole bunch of trouble and leave me stranded one one day. But, on the other hand, it's never failed. The more I trust it, the more attention I give it, the more I love it, the more we share together.

This person is attached to the universal energy that binds everything. Call it what you want: God, science, matter, electricity... But there is something that connects us. It's the thing that allows animals to know whether to be afraid of you or not. It's the thing that lets grand things happen. It's the thing that lets you have dreams in the first place.

So dream big. Dream of Venice. Don't sell your dreams to someone else because you don't think you can afford them. They will happen in the weirdest, wildest ways if you let them.